Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Profound musing about facebook (warning deep and boring)

So, I joined facebook a while ago and while I have been enjoying some aspects of it, it just may open up a whole other can of proverbial worms, that I should have just left alone. I mean there are tons of people on there from high school that I didnt really like then, so I dont know what makes me think I would like them now.

Ive spent hours now looking at people, some I barely remember. I dand id a lot of "OH yeah" as I was looking at people. Im also amazed that some people have certain other people as friends. Im thinking, "but didnt you HATE her/him". I guess life is not so much like the Breakfast Club anymore. I still feel like it though sometimes though, especially when I look back at that miserable thing called high school. I liked my friends, of course, and we had a great time, but a lot of people I just didnt have any use for. Not really the Christian attitude to have, I know, but Im being honest. I was particular turned off by the extra peppy, outgoing, bright eyed kids. Isnt that terrible? Its true though, the more artistic and brooding you were, the more I liked you.

Im different know though. I have made tons of mistakes since then and have learned from just about all of them. I can say that Im not the same person I was then, at all. Now, if I like you, I like you and it could be for many reasons. I only dislike people now if they are rude, liars and mean. In high school, it was really hard for me to let people in; though I had a tight circle of friends. Mostly people at school seemed strange to me, all bubbly and full of life, when that isnt how I saw things most of the time.

Though I have changed and my outlook on life is different for the most part, more happy go lucky and full of promise, which is due to a renewed belief in Christ, when I look at the faces on facebook, it put me in the same old funk. It depressed me, to be honest with you. I found someone on facebook who used to mean the world to me. We had a falling out in our late 20's and although she has tried to contact me a year or so after the falling out, I ignored it. The hurt was too fresh.

So, I sat there looking at her picture and my heart was pounding. I sent her a two line message, that to me, conveyed that I was ready to forgive; finally. It may be too late, and Im not even sure I could trust this person again, but Im tired of the saddness in my heart. I didnt ask her to contact me and she probably wont. Thats Ok too, I guess. I just needed to finally say, "All that is in the past, I dont harbor any ill feelings", and you know, once I wrote the words that I wrote, I felt better in one respect, like a weight lifted off my shoulder. However, all the other faces from the past still gave me the creeps.


Reighnie said...

Joining facebook was really weird to me. To see those people that I had no plans of seeing again, to have those conversations as if it were the next day.... it was really weird.

After having been on facebook a couple of months now, it sort of is still like hs. You see the people but don't really say much. lol

I'm glad you found some peace.

Heather Cherry said...

That's why F/B (and MySpace) is the devil. I keep telling people this!

Seriously, though. I feel you on this. Not big on revisiting the high school years myself.

obladi oblada said...

Oh thank goodness someone else understands that post. I wrote it and then said, "hmm, probably makes sense only to me". Especially since its loaded with typos and bad grammar. That always helps stuff.

AM: Lol on it still being the same. You see them but dont say much. Thats funny.

HC: They ARE the devil. Especially My Space. Havent joined, never will.

Torina said...

I totally agree on the Facebook thing. I don't even remember why I joined...just to see what it was really. I really enjoy the interactions with other bloggers but I was freaked out when cousins and people from high school found me. It brought me back to a place I didn't want to be. I was a freaky art punk girl in high school and have changed a lot, too...I hope other people have, too...but I really don't care to find out. I just want to live the life I have right now because it is good and back then it was not.

Oh and MySpace is the ghetto of the Internet.

Nelly said...

Your post was like reading something I wrote.(but didn't) I said the same thing. People I never talked to were acting like we used to hang out. I did get addicted to a game on there and go just for that!!

obladi oblada said...

Torina, I think we would have got along fabulously.

Nelly: Im staying away from the games! I need another addiction like I need the plague!

Stacey said...

it is so funny to read this post. we just joined facebook a few weeks ago and i am tempted to delete my account. i spend too much time on there getting in touch with people that i haven't talked to in 20 years. my pet peeve is the people who send you 15 things a day like a "green patch" super poke, etc. every now and then, fine...but i had someone send me 7 things in one hour. do they do anything BUT play on facebook? I was one of the annoying, peppy people in high school. You wouldn't have liked me:) I was a cheerleader and enjoyed the social scene very much so. however, as much as i enjoyed HS, i don't have a desire to be friends with people I didn't even know back then. what could we possibly have in common now? We have family and friends all over the country so for us, it is a way to keep in touch with loved ones on a daily basis. however, i seriously regret joining almost everyday :)

obladi oblada said...

Awww Stacey, I like you now!!!! And if there were an individual like that back then that I happened to get to know, then I may have liked them too. It was the getting close enough to get to know them that I didnt want to do. Actually, I dont think I ever had a cheerleader friend while in school.

Erin said...

I am so glad you were able to get some peace with that situation! You need to stay on facebook so we can "chat" for free in real life. :)