Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Too True Tuesday

I really like the True Tuesday idea this week, suggested over at Essie's. I like it because its not about the stupid things I have done, but stupidity from others. And, Im always up for that. This week we are discussing bad parenting advice. I have a lot of these from the kids' foster parents, and believe it or not, their OLD therapist.

When I first met the kids, the foster mom said that A wouldnt sleep very well and would wake up at at the very early hours and play (like 2 or 3 am), so she told me to give him Benadryl to make him sleep...what is so bad about this, is the real reason he was up sooo early. She would expect him to sleep 12 hours a night (so, to bed almost right after dinner) on top of a two hour nap in the afternoon. It never occured to her that he wasnt staying asleep because he simply could NOT SLEEP ANYMORE. I, of course, discarded her advice, gave him a later bedtime and cut out the naps (unless he needed one or wanted one) and wouldnt you know it.....he slept all night long, from the first night home with us. Are people really that dumb? Yep, they are.

The other bit of advice she had for me was when he couldnt remember to tie his shoe (at barely five years old), she said I shouldnt help him...let him "remember" all by himself. When he was in tears because he couldnt do it and no one would help him, it was suggested that maybe he couldnt remember at the moment because of meeting his new parents, and getting ready to move, etc...his life being turned upside down, etc, and all the trauma associated with that. So, finally she agreed that I should help him. That poor kid, in the hands of clueless woman. Oh this is the same person who said that I could save money by making all three kids share bath water. Im pretty sure that the money the state gave her for fostering would have covered clean bath water for all. Unbelievable.

The brilliant (not) therapist they had before coming to us, told us that we should not teach against "stranger danger" because it is often a "stranger" who helps them when they are in trouble. While, this makes sense to a certain degree because many children are preyed on by people they know, many are still preyed upon by strangers. Besides, we werent going to prey on them and it is the strangers I am worried about, so I threw that advice right out the window. I think he needs to watch the news a little more, it is full of abductions by both but family is still safer, in my opinion. So, there you have it. Some very bad advice, in my opinion.


Reighnie said...

Save money on bath water? That is gross.

Poor kids they were stuck with a bunch of stupid adults. Good thing they aren't there anymore.

Adoption Etiquette said...

I'm glad you blogged about this!

Heather Cherry said...

Poor babies! Good thing they have you now.

The Accidental Mommy said...

Ewwwww! Come on! How much water could 3 kids use anyway!!!! They are little!!! However, I could see throwing all 3 in the same tub, that would be ok.
Stranger danger? Was she serious?
The bedtime thing makes me want to scream. Same with the shoes.

Tricia said...

haha love the bath water saving technique...did she tell you to reuse and sare spoons/plates etc lol

obladi oblada said...

Essie...the therapist was completely serious!!! Oh and the bath water sharing was only for the "foster kids", their children all got their own water.

Tricia: They werent allowed to HAVE drinking glasses at the table..they had to get up and go to the kitchen counter to get their drinks, EVERY time they wanted a drink. "they keep spilling" is what she said. Funny, we have had maybe three spilled drinks between the three of them in over a year. Crazy.

Annie said...

I think maybe what we need to teach is "foster-parent danger" (and I say it who am one).... Of course I'm a rare exemplary one. Not. But I did feel (pompously) that there was a contrast evident at the trainings....literacy, for one.

Benedryl? That is sick.

I have the feeling the "don't help him" approach was trickle-down from bad advice SHE received. I think I've heard that sort of thing before. Someone came to the school and was giving a talk about how we "do too much" for our children. The shoe advice was precisely the sort of example she gave. I do think this is possible :(doing too much for our children) and I am probably guilty...but I think my mom was guilty too, and I am quite capable today - besides that, I feel loved.

obladi oblada said...

Annie, I think you are right...the foster mom said "....I read the other day that we shouldnt do for our kids what they can do themselves". Ok, so I do agree to that to a certain extent, but when they are in the middle of trauma, such as moving to a new family, I think a little help is the compassionate thing to do. Lol on "foster parent awareness".

obladi oblada said...

oops...I meant Lol on "foster parent danger".