So, I joined facebook a while ago and while I have been enjoying some aspects of it, it just may open up a whole other can of proverbial worms, that I should have just left alone. I mean there are tons of people on there from high school that I didnt really like then, so I dont know what makes me think I would like them now.
Ive spent hours now looking at people, some I barely remember. I dand id a lot of "OH yeah" as I was looking at people. Im also amazed that some people have certain other people as friends. Im thinking, "but didnt you HATE her/him". I guess life is not so much like the Breakfast Club anymore. I still feel like it though sometimes though, especially when I look back at that miserable thing called high school. I liked my friends, of course, and we had a great time, but a lot of people I just didnt have any use for. Not really the Christian attitude to have, I know, but Im being honest. I was particular turned off by the extra peppy, outgoing, bright eyed kids. Isnt that terrible? Its true though, the more artistic and brooding you were, the more I liked you.
Im different know though. I have made tons of mistakes since then and have learned from just about all of them. I can say that Im not the same person I was then, at all. Now, if I like you, I like you and it could be for many reasons. I only dislike people now if they are rude, liars and mean. In high school, it was really hard for me to let people in; though I had a tight circle of friends. Mostly people at school seemed strange to me, all bubbly and full of life, when that isnt how I saw things most of the time.
Though I have changed and my outlook on life is different for the most part, more happy go lucky and full of promise, which is due to a renewed belief in Christ, when I look at the faces on facebook, it put me in the same old funk. It depressed me, to be honest with you. I found someone on facebook who used to mean the world to me. We had a falling out in our late 20's and although she has tried to contact me a year or so after the falling out, I ignored it. The hurt was too fresh.
So, I sat there looking at her picture and my heart was pounding. I sent her a two line message, that to me, conveyed that I was ready to forgive; finally. It may be too late, and Im not even sure I could trust this person again, but Im tired of the saddness in my heart. I didnt ask her to contact me and she probably wont. Thats Ok too, I guess. I just needed to finally say, "All that is in the past, I dont harbor any ill feelings", and you know, once I wrote the words that I wrote, I felt better in one respect, like a weight lifted off my shoulder. However, all the other faces from the past still gave me the creeps.
9 comments:
Joining facebook was really weird to me. To see those people that I had no plans of seeing again, to have those conversations as if it were the next day.... it was really weird.
After having been on facebook a couple of months now, it sort of is still like hs. You see the people but don't really say much. lol
I'm glad you found some peace.
That's why F/B (and MySpace) is the devil. I keep telling people this!
Seriously, though. I feel you on this. Not big on revisiting the high school years myself.
Oh thank goodness someone else understands that post. I wrote it and then said, "hmm, probably makes sense only to me". Especially since its loaded with typos and bad grammar. That always helps stuff.
AM: Lol on it still being the same. You see them but dont say much. Thats funny.
HC: They ARE the devil. Especially My Space. Havent joined, never will.
I totally agree on the Facebook thing. I don't even remember why I joined...just to see what it was really. I really enjoy the interactions with other bloggers but I was freaked out when cousins and people from high school found me. It brought me back to a place I didn't want to be. I was a freaky art punk girl in high school and have changed a lot, too...I hope other people have, too...but I really don't care to find out. I just want to live the life I have right now because it is good and back then it was not.
Oh and MySpace is the ghetto of the Internet.
Your post was like reading something I wrote.(but didn't) I said the same thing. People I never talked to were acting like we used to hang out. I did get addicted to a game on there and go just for that!!
Torina, I think we would have got along fabulously.
Nelly: Im staying away from the games! I need another addiction like I need the plague!
it is so funny to read this post. we just joined facebook a few weeks ago and i am tempted to delete my account. i spend too much time on there getting in touch with people that i haven't talked to in 20 years. my pet peeve is the people who send you 15 things a day like a "green patch" super poke, etc. every now and then, fine...but i had someone send me 7 things in one hour. do they do anything BUT play on facebook? I was one of the annoying, peppy people in high school. You wouldn't have liked me:) I was a cheerleader and enjoyed the social scene very much so. however, as much as i enjoyed HS, i don't have a desire to be friends with people I didn't even know back then. what could we possibly have in common now? We have family and friends all over the country so for us, it is a way to keep in touch with loved ones on a daily basis. however, i seriously regret joining almost everyday :)
Awww Stacey, I like you now!!!! And if there were an individual like that back then that I happened to get to know, then I may have liked them too. It was the getting close enough to get to know them that I didnt want to do. Actually, I dont think I ever had a cheerleader friend while in school.
I am so glad you were able to get some peace with that situation! You need to stay on facebook so we can "chat" for free in real life. :)
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