So, I joined facebook a while ago and while I have been enjoying some aspects of it, it just may open up a whole other can of proverbial worms, that I should have just left alone. I mean there are tons of people on there from high school that I didnt really like then, so I dont know what makes me think I would like them now.
Ive spent hours now looking at people, some I barely remember. I dand id a lot of "OH yeah" as I was looking at people. Im also amazed that some people have certain other people as friends. Im thinking, "but didnt you HATE her/him". I guess life is not so much like the Breakfast Club anymore. I still feel like it though sometimes though, especially when I look back at that miserable thing called high school. I liked my friends, of course, and we had a great time, but a lot of people I just didnt have any use for. Not really the Christian attitude to have, I know, but Im being honest. I was particular turned off by the extra peppy, outgoing, bright eyed kids. Isnt that terrible? Its true though, the more artistic and brooding you were, the more I liked you.
Im different know though. I have made tons of mistakes since then and have learned from just about all of them. I can say that Im not the same person I was then, at all. Now, if I like you, I like you and it could be for many reasons. I only dislike people now if they are rude, liars and mean. In high school, it was really hard for me to let people in; though I had a tight circle of friends. Mostly people at school seemed strange to me, all bubbly and full of life, when that isnt how I saw things most of the time.
Though I have changed and my outlook on life is different for the most part, more happy go lucky and full of promise, which is due to a renewed belief in Christ, when I look at the faces on facebook, it put me in the same old funk. It depressed me, to be honest with you. I found someone on facebook who used to mean the world to me. We had a falling out in our late 20's and although she has tried to contact me a year or so after the falling out, I ignored it. The hurt was too fresh.
So, I sat there looking at her picture and my heart was pounding. I sent her a two line message, that to me, conveyed that I was ready to forgive; finally. It may be too late, and Im not even sure I could trust this person again, but Im tired of the saddness in my heart. I didnt ask her to contact me and she probably wont. Thats Ok too, I guess. I just needed to finally say, "All that is in the past, I dont harbor any ill feelings", and you know, once I wrote the words that I wrote, I felt better in one respect, like a weight lifted off my shoulder. However, all the other faces from the past still gave me the creeps.