So, A was sick the other day and the next day he was still very quiet and he looked like something was bothering him, other than having been sick, that is. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had a bad dream.
"The worst I ever had, mommy".
He told me he dreamed that he was a baby and living with his birth parents (whom he cant possibly remember), and that they did not feed him and he died.
This has been bothering me. I mean dreams are one thing, but it is entirely possible that this a memory creeping over to the preconscious from the unconscious, and has attracted the attention of the conscious eye. (ok, ignore all that psycho babble if you want, I just wrote a paper on Frueds unconscious drive theory...ignore me). Seriously though, it breaks my heart that he may have been lying in a crib hungry for who knows how long....
And what could I do really but hug him, take him upstairs and feed him whatever the heck he wanted. So thats what I did. Sometimes its so easy to forget they have a past that has nothing to do with me. For those of you who are thinking about going the down the road of older child adoption, be prepared to hear some stuff that will turn your stomach and break your heart.
FROM 0 TO 3 IN 90 DAYS-LIFE AFTER OLDER CHILD ADOPTION
6 comments:
It is so heartbreaking sometimes. J remembers quite a lot and it's so hard to know what she had to live with and through.
That's absolutely heartbreaking. I'm glad you could do what you did.
Oh honey... that's just about the most awful thing I've ever heard.
They are so lucky to have you.
I completely understand the feeling of your heart breaking just hearing their fears...been there, dealt with that. It doesn't get any easier the longer you have them...it makes my stomach turn thinking about what my sweet girl went through. :(
I have only fostered newborns so far. I am thinking of fostering older but frankly I am scared it will not be good for my 4 year old. I know that they are suppose to tell you if the foster child has been sexually abused but what if they have and they just don't know it? I hear that whatever the child has experienced they tend to act it out on other children. This is the part that scares me to death. While I want to help hurting children I don't want to damage my own. Hard call!Sounds like you are doing great at it!!
Thanks everyone and it is even worse knowing that they arent telling or remembering everything.
PP&SM: Its kind of a double edge sword, yes, it can be harmful to your child to adopt one older than the four year old; however not all of them that have been abused will be abusers themselves. That is the hard part because you just dont know. It is safer to adopt younger than children already in the home.
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