Ok, I have been slacking. I cant help it though, I am a very busy woman. Apparently, a dumb one too. Im dumb because I ran into the big post thing on the dock with the wave runner and broke peices of the hull off in three places. Needless to say, the hub isnt happy.
I also started a new job which will give me new hours. Better hours, but more stress I am afraid. We shall see how long I last.
Oh, and the kids; they take up a few minutes of my time too.
Did I mention this last week was final week? Well, it was. I now have an AA. Degree, not a battery. So, I have an EXCUSE.
FROM 0 TO 3 IN 90 DAYS-LIFE AFTER OLDER CHILD ADOPTION
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Sky Pilot and the Therapist
Last night, I worked a double shift. It will be my last opportunity to make a little extra money before I start my new position, with "the dark side" of the department. So, I got home this morning had my daily peanut butter toast and got into my pjs. My hubby had all ready taken the older two to camp, and Adam had already eaten, but he was hanging out with me, anyway. I totally love this little guy, by the way. Im hooked.
Anyway, today is pool day at day camp, but its also therapy day. So, since I was going to have to sleep, hubby was doing all the taxi driving. I laid down in bed and of course couldnt sleep. It WAS light outside, and hot, so I had a legitimate excuse. I peeked out the window and saw a scene which just warmed my heart. There was my hubby and Adam working together in the drive way. We have just sold our camper and hubby is getting it ready for its new owner tomorrow. Anyway, hubby is out there doing man things with his big manly leather gloves on, and little Adam is right beside him, with his little gardening gloves on, and he's cranking the crank for the hitch under hubby's watchful eye. It was nice.
For those of you who are preparing to embark on the older child adoption journey, this was one of those moments that make it all worth it. It was a true, "Ah Hah!" moment.
I went and laid back down, and noticed that "Leave it to Beaver" was coming on. I had to watch, because I love that stupid show. Five minutes into it, Adam comes in and sits on the bed. I tell him what Im watching. He has a hard time grasping the name of the show, so when dad comes in, he says, "Dad come watch 'Stay Beaver'" LOL.
They watched it with me, well they watched it and I fell asleep. I woke up around 1 pm to the sound of ALL my kids in the kitchen. So, I got up. Hubby had picked them up from camp to attend the therapy appointment. THen he was going to bring them back to the camp for swimming.
We have a friend who has an internet radio show, and he is the dj. My hubby had told him how our daughter, Sasha had loved the song "Sky Pilot" by Eric Burdon and the Animals (yes, his influence there) and he said he would play it and dedicate it to her.
So, he brought the kids home to plop in front of the computer while eating thier lunch. I have no idea what they had, as the bowls were empty by the time I stumbled out. I asked hubby but he's not telling. Anyway, the show came on, and our friend said: "I have a special request going out to a good friend, and former boss actually, this is for his daughter (insert name here)because she loves the song and I also want to say hi to (insert names of boys here). It was really nice. Then he played the song and all the kids sang to it.
I guess therapy was hard, so it was nice to have a nice surprise like that for them afterwards. I guess Nick locked up tighter than a drum during therapy, but Sasha climbed up into the therapist lap and sobbed. She talked about her birth mom, while getting most of the information incorrect, which I will address at some point. They dont even remember thier birth mom's real name, they call her some other name.
Once the radio show and lunch were over, dh transported them back to camp to swim, and I went back to sleep. I was due back to work in just a few hours. Ick.
I want more information on what happened at therapy, but today, hubby and I are like two ships passing in the night, pausing briefly for Stay Beaver and mystery lunches.
Anyway, today is pool day at day camp, but its also therapy day. So, since I was going to have to sleep, hubby was doing all the taxi driving. I laid down in bed and of course couldnt sleep. It WAS light outside, and hot, so I had a legitimate excuse. I peeked out the window and saw a scene which just warmed my heart. There was my hubby and Adam working together in the drive way. We have just sold our camper and hubby is getting it ready for its new owner tomorrow. Anyway, hubby is out there doing man things with his big manly leather gloves on, and little Adam is right beside him, with his little gardening gloves on, and he's cranking the crank for the hitch under hubby's watchful eye. It was nice.
For those of you who are preparing to embark on the older child adoption journey, this was one of those moments that make it all worth it. It was a true, "Ah Hah!" moment.
I went and laid back down, and noticed that "Leave it to Beaver" was coming on. I had to watch, because I love that stupid show. Five minutes into it, Adam comes in and sits on the bed. I tell him what Im watching. He has a hard time grasping the name of the show, so when dad comes in, he says, "Dad come watch 'Stay Beaver'" LOL.
They watched it with me, well they watched it and I fell asleep. I woke up around 1 pm to the sound of ALL my kids in the kitchen. So, I got up. Hubby had picked them up from camp to attend the therapy appointment. THen he was going to bring them back to the camp for swimming.
We have a friend who has an internet radio show, and he is the dj. My hubby had told him how our daughter, Sasha had loved the song "Sky Pilot" by Eric Burdon and the Animals (yes, his influence there) and he said he would play it and dedicate it to her.
So, he brought the kids home to plop in front of the computer while eating thier lunch. I have no idea what they had, as the bowls were empty by the time I stumbled out. I asked hubby but he's not telling. Anyway, the show came on, and our friend said: "I have a special request going out to a good friend, and former boss actually, this is for his daughter (insert name here)because she loves the song and I also want to say hi to (insert names of boys here). It was really nice. Then he played the song and all the kids sang to it.
I guess therapy was hard, so it was nice to have a nice surprise like that for them afterwards. I guess Nick locked up tighter than a drum during therapy, but Sasha climbed up into the therapist lap and sobbed. She talked about her birth mom, while getting most of the information incorrect, which I will address at some point. They dont even remember thier birth mom's real name, they call her some other name.
Once the radio show and lunch were over, dh transported them back to camp to swim, and I went back to sleep. I was due back to work in just a few hours. Ick.
I want more information on what happened at therapy, but today, hubby and I are like two ships passing in the night, pausing briefly for Stay Beaver and mystery lunches.
Summer day camp love triangle
Why does the girl thing have to start already? Nick has enough problems with things that he doesnt need to add this to the mix. Im kind of annoyed, although it wasnt all that different than when I was a kid (WAAAY back when).
When I went to pick them up from day camp the other day he pointed to a little girl and said "that is so and so and she wont stop chasing me all day, and she announced during pictionary that she liked me". Great. Then he said that she also liked his "best friend" (who he has known for all of four days)who they call (for reasons still not understood by me) "cheeseburger Eddie".
Today, I hear that this girl got in trouble because she kept touching Nick. WHAT????
She needs to stick with Cheeseburger boy and leave mine alone, I think.
Sasha lost recess time at camp because her and her little friend were playing in the bathroom with the water and I guess it was everywhere. She adamently denies that it was her, but only her friend. I believe her. Am I a fool?
Today they did a skit where they sang a little song and then each said thier name and what they liked. Noah said he liked games of all kinds. Samantha said her name and then you couldnt hear A WORD she said.
When asked she said she told her name and that she liked her family and her dogs. AW.
Thats a step up from before. Once she was talking about how it would not be good if they had to move again because, and I quote, "what if we move to a family who doesnt have dogs". That was her big concern. At least now she is telling the world she likes us AND the dogs.
When I went to pick them up from day camp the other day he pointed to a little girl and said "that is so and so and she wont stop chasing me all day, and she announced during pictionary that she liked me". Great. Then he said that she also liked his "best friend" (who he has known for all of four days)who they call (for reasons still not understood by me) "cheeseburger Eddie".
Today, I hear that this girl got in trouble because she kept touching Nick. WHAT????
She needs to stick with Cheeseburger boy and leave mine alone, I think.
Sasha lost recess time at camp because her and her little friend were playing in the bathroom with the water and I guess it was everywhere. She adamently denies that it was her, but only her friend. I believe her. Am I a fool?
Today they did a skit where they sang a little song and then each said thier name and what they liked. Noah said he liked games of all kinds. Samantha said her name and then you couldnt hear A WORD she said.
When asked she said she told her name and that she liked her family and her dogs. AW.
Thats a step up from before. Once she was talking about how it would not be good if they had to move again because, and I quote, "what if we move to a family who doesnt have dogs". That was her big concern. At least now she is telling the world she likes us AND the dogs.
"I", "V", "U"
What is it about these three letters that is so hard for Adam to remember. He knows almost his whole alphabet, but these three letters stump him nearly everyday. I guess the U and V look similar, but the I...
And can someone please tell me what it is with the alphabet song, that every kid in the universe sings LMNO together like its one word? Do teachers TEACH it that way, or is it just some wierd kid phenomenon that just happens? It took a few days for Adam to understand that he was singing four different letters there, he was saying: "emminmo-p". He gets the cutest little look on his face when he is concentrating. He says, "Im not ABLE to remember". He has a good little vocabulary.
And can someone please tell me what it is with the alphabet song, that every kid in the universe sings LMNO together like its one word? Do teachers TEACH it that way, or is it just some wierd kid phenomenon that just happens? It took a few days for Adam to understand that he was singing four different letters there, he was saying: "emminmo-p". He gets the cutest little look on his face when he is concentrating. He says, "Im not ABLE to remember". He has a good little vocabulary.
HOT MISSISSIPPI CHICKS
So, I do not remember whether or not Ive mentioned the two older kids are in summer day camp. So...my two oldest are in summer day camp. They are gone from 8:30-4:30 five days a week. That leaves me and little Adam. Which is cool. We are getting to know each other quite well.
I have learned that he has a liking for Tom Petty and Johnny Cash. He wants to listen to them in the car ALL the time. Of course he didnt know anything about either of them before coming to us. He loves music so he fits right in. One particular Johnny Cash song, he had me play SEVEN times today, in a row. He sings it while he is playing, but messes up the words.
The song says: "...dont go writing hot checks down in Mississippi...." He says: (and I SWEAR this is TRUE) "...hot chicks down in Mississippi".
For some reason, everytime he hears a new band or singer he has never heard of before he asks: "Is he dead?" Usually the answer is yes.
We went to the park and he informed me that if there were any 5 year olds, he was going to make friends with them, but not any four year olds. There was a four year old however, and he did play with him for about 10 minutes. He came back over to me and I asked why he stopped playing. He said: "He's stinky, it smells like he pooped his pants" Nice.
Then he went back over and was playing by himself. Two little girls came over and asked if I "owned" the boys in the blue shorts (Adam and "stinky" were both wearing blue shorts), I said, "just the one with the hat on, why?".
They said the one with no hat on just peed by the swing sets. I was thrilled it wasnt Adam, as we have already had the talk about where to pee and where NOT to pee.
So far, he knows that we dont pee in the garbage can in his bedroom and we dont pee in the front yard when there is a perfectly good bathroom inside.
I have learned that he has a liking for Tom Petty and Johnny Cash. He wants to listen to them in the car ALL the time. Of course he didnt know anything about either of them before coming to us. He loves music so he fits right in. One particular Johnny Cash song, he had me play SEVEN times today, in a row. He sings it while he is playing, but messes up the words.
The song says: "...dont go writing hot checks down in Mississippi...." He says: (and I SWEAR this is TRUE) "...hot chicks down in Mississippi".
For some reason, everytime he hears a new band or singer he has never heard of before he asks: "Is he dead?" Usually the answer is yes.
We went to the park and he informed me that if there were any 5 year olds, he was going to make friends with them, but not any four year olds. There was a four year old however, and he did play with him for about 10 minutes. He came back over to me and I asked why he stopped playing. He said: "He's stinky, it smells like he pooped his pants" Nice.
Then he went back over and was playing by himself. Two little girls came over and asked if I "owned" the boys in the blue shorts (Adam and "stinky" were both wearing blue shorts), I said, "just the one with the hat on, why?".
They said the one with no hat on just peed by the swing sets. I was thrilled it wasnt Adam, as we have already had the talk about where to pee and where NOT to pee.
So far, he knows that we dont pee in the garbage can in his bedroom and we dont pee in the front yard when there is a perfectly good bathroom inside.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Weekly Retro Photo
This is safe. No carseat. Just snoozing in the backseat. Its extremely tiring running from my own pants all day long. Peace.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Fathers day
We had a good day today. We didnt go to church, because I wanted to get something for my husband for Fathers day and had procrastinated on it until this morning, of course. Its just how I am.
I fed the kids breakfast, I had my coffee (because without that...well,it would be VERY ugly), and we went to the store.
Adam (5) embarrassed me twice while shopping.
There was a man with something wrong, some disability that affected the way he walked. We are right behind the man, and Alex says, "What happened to him?". I wanted to crawl under a car. Any car.
Then we were in the store and an employee was stocking shelves, and her cart was in the middle of the aisle, kind of blocking (normally, I get all bent out of shape about that kind of thing, but Im trying to be a GOOD example), so I kind of eased by and she moved the cart and said "sorry". I said: "Thats OK". Adam blurts out: "That was a girl?" The lady HEARD him, and said, "yes". Again, I wanted to die.
So on to the GOOD part of the day. My husband got home from work and found the cute little hand-written-on school paper-with pencil and crayon, "Happy Fathers Day" notes from the kids. Samantha taped them all to the bedroom door, so he wouldnt miss them.
She wrote her own little shopping for daddy list, it went like this:
Votes for dads present
Chair
Tools
HAHA. They never did vote on it, because I confiscated it to go into a "too cute" file somewhere. I guess she sees dads as people who either sit or fix stuff. LOL.
We ended up buying him some movies, and some Candy Corn (he loves those little orangey triangles). He worked all night so he wanted to sleep instead of go out to dinner.
The kids got him a card that had merekats on it. We thought it was so appropriate because they have been engrossed in Merekat Manor on Animal Planet as of late. If I was "cool" Id have a scanner and scan the card in, but Im not, OK? Get over it. You are just going to have to be satisfied by a description.
The little kid merekats, of which there are three, are commenting about someone passing gas, and making jokes,etc. and the Daddy Merekat is saying:
"You just wait untill we get back to the burrough".
Inside it says something like "thanks for keeping us in line, happy fathers day".
It was cute and my husband got a kick out of it.
Later the tranquility was shattered when Nick got angry and kicked one of his brothers toy horses and knocked its head off. Adam screamed like he was being tortured. The horses head is back on now, but he looks like he has Narcolepsy. Nick did this because he was "mad". I told him that he is not to kick things that belong to other people when he is mad. He said: "OK, but can you just tell them to stop making me mad".
I fed the kids breakfast, I had my coffee (because without that...well,it would be VERY ugly), and we went to the store.
Adam (5) embarrassed me twice while shopping.
There was a man with something wrong, some disability that affected the way he walked. We are right behind the man, and Alex says, "What happened to him?". I wanted to crawl under a car. Any car.
Then we were in the store and an employee was stocking shelves, and her cart was in the middle of the aisle, kind of blocking (normally, I get all bent out of shape about that kind of thing, but Im trying to be a GOOD example), so I kind of eased by and she moved the cart and said "sorry". I said: "Thats OK". Adam blurts out: "That was a girl?" The lady HEARD him, and said, "yes". Again, I wanted to die.
So on to the GOOD part of the day. My husband got home from work and found the cute little hand-written-on school paper-with pencil and crayon, "Happy Fathers Day" notes from the kids. Samantha taped them all to the bedroom door, so he wouldnt miss them.
She wrote her own little shopping for daddy list, it went like this:
Votes for dads present
Chair
Tools
HAHA. They never did vote on it, because I confiscated it to go into a "too cute" file somewhere. I guess she sees dads as people who either sit or fix stuff. LOL.
We ended up buying him some movies, and some Candy Corn (he loves those little orangey triangles). He worked all night so he wanted to sleep instead of go out to dinner.
The kids got him a card that had merekats on it. We thought it was so appropriate because they have been engrossed in Merekat Manor on Animal Planet as of late. If I was "cool" Id have a scanner and scan the card in, but Im not, OK? Get over it. You are just going to have to be satisfied by a description.
The little kid merekats, of which there are three, are commenting about someone passing gas, and making jokes,etc. and the Daddy Merekat is saying:
"You just wait untill we get back to the burrough".
Inside it says something like "thanks for keeping us in line, happy fathers day".
It was cute and my husband got a kick out of it.
Later the tranquility was shattered when Nick got angry and kicked one of his brothers toy horses and knocked its head off. Adam screamed like he was being tortured. The horses head is back on now, but he looks like he has Narcolepsy. Nick did this because he was "mad". I told him that he is not to kick things that belong to other people when he is mad. He said: "OK, but can you just tell them to stop making me mad".
Friday, June 13, 2008
I love my poppy
Today was a good day with the kiddo's in a weird sort of way. They played nicely together in the backyard, which is a miracle. We had our first appointment with a therapist who deals with some of the issues that plaque my kids. Its sad that bad things happen to kids in thier past and someone has to pick up the pieces.
I got a little teary eyed in the therapist office as I was describing my 9 year olds comment on suicide and how their life hasnt been easy. A nine year old shouldnt even be thinking anything along those lines.
My daughter when talking to the therapists said, "we cant move again". I hugged her and told her that wasnt happening. Last time they went to a therapists office, they were told that the foster family who they THOUGHT was adopting them, wasnt going to and that another family was being found. So, she was a little concerned that that was the news that was coming next. Talk about heartbreaking.....
I liked what the therapists said. She told them it was like thier feet had wheels on them, so they just kept moving around. She told them that thier wheels have been removed now. Ive never heard it put that way before, but I like it. It kind of reminded me of those shoes, "heelies", with the wheels in them. Now I will never get them a pair. Nope, no wheels on thier feet.
Honestly, I know the birth parents are mainly at fault for all this sadness and fear in the lives of these kids, BUT....the system doesnt help either. Why did my kids have to go through two sets of "adoptive" parents before we got them? It says something about the system. The first were abusive and the second were scared of the history that comes with the kids, which they claimed they knew nothing about, before they TOLD the kids they were adopting them. The birth parents broke thier hearts and the system keeps breaking them.
Our little guy, who's only problem is that he has been in sooo many homes at an early age, was asked by the therapists if he had any questions for her. He stared at her for what seemed like forever, then he said: "I love my poppy", meaning my husband. It was so sweet. I mean, that came out of the blue pretty much. Maybe for him, it wasnt out of the blue, maybe it was his own plea to not have to move again.
The rest of the day was pleasant. We went to Taco Hell and had lunch. It was incident free, it was lovely. Then we went to the park and T (my husband)had them racing each other. Then, for some reason, I was racing my daughter. Oh my, I AM SO OLD!! I thought I would let her win, but it turns out by the 2nd lap, there was no "letting" about it.
On the way home we were listening to John Lennon. My nine year old, Nick asked who was playing drums. I have no idea. The other day we were listening to White Stripes and I explained the layout of the band and said the drummer's name was Meg. Therefore I must know the name of every drummer, I guess. I love how their minds work, but I hate those questions I dont know the answer to. I guess I better get used to it.
I got a little teary eyed in the therapist office as I was describing my 9 year olds comment on suicide and how their life hasnt been easy. A nine year old shouldnt even be thinking anything along those lines.
My daughter when talking to the therapists said, "we cant move again". I hugged her and told her that wasnt happening. Last time they went to a therapists office, they were told that the foster family who they THOUGHT was adopting them, wasnt going to and that another family was being found. So, she was a little concerned that that was the news that was coming next. Talk about heartbreaking.....
I liked what the therapists said. She told them it was like thier feet had wheels on them, so they just kept moving around. She told them that thier wheels have been removed now. Ive never heard it put that way before, but I like it. It kind of reminded me of those shoes, "heelies", with the wheels in them. Now I will never get them a pair. Nope, no wheels on thier feet.
Honestly, I know the birth parents are mainly at fault for all this sadness and fear in the lives of these kids, BUT....the system doesnt help either. Why did my kids have to go through two sets of "adoptive" parents before we got them? It says something about the system. The first were abusive and the second were scared of the history that comes with the kids, which they claimed they knew nothing about, before they TOLD the kids they were adopting them. The birth parents broke thier hearts and the system keeps breaking them.
Our little guy, who's only problem is that he has been in sooo many homes at an early age, was asked by the therapists if he had any questions for her. He stared at her for what seemed like forever, then he said: "I love my poppy", meaning my husband. It was so sweet. I mean, that came out of the blue pretty much. Maybe for him, it wasnt out of the blue, maybe it was his own plea to not have to move again.
The rest of the day was pleasant. We went to Taco Hell and had lunch. It was incident free, it was lovely. Then we went to the park and T (my husband)had them racing each other. Then, for some reason, I was racing my daughter. Oh my, I AM SO OLD!! I thought I would let her win, but it turns out by the 2nd lap, there was no "letting" about it.
On the way home we were listening to John Lennon. My nine year old, Nick asked who was playing drums. I have no idea. The other day we were listening to White Stripes and I explained the layout of the band and said the drummer's name was Meg. Therefore I must know the name of every drummer, I guess. I love how their minds work, but I hate those questions I dont know the answer to. I guess I better get used to it.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Weekly Retro Photo " Yummy, and comfortable too."
This is me, 1969-ish. Eating yummy baby food, and look at the baby seat!!! Could it BE any more uncomfortable? No wonder I have syatic (im sure THATs spelled right) problems. And hey....why isnt anyone HOLDING me?
Hey, this will be fun
I love retro photographs, especially of the 50's-80's. Funny stuff. SOOOOO, I will try and post a weekly (probably wont happen that often) retro photo. I will start from my own collection (meaning stuff from my life/my parent's life. Not adoption related, but hey, its my blog and I can do what I want, right?
Conditioned...
So, I am wondering, how many of you (assuming that SOMEONE is reading this) looked at the title of the Starburst post and thought it was STARBUCKS? More than a few, Im suspecting.
She Kilt Me.
I have always been into dreams and what they could mean. Its a weird, fascinating, alternate world, sleep.
The fourth morning that our kids were with us I got to hear a good, creepy one. Not good as in a good pleasant thing, but good as in, I like creepy stuff so it was good.
I heard a noise and looked up to see my five year old entering my bedroom. My husband was working so it was just me and the dogs (yes, I sleep with my dogs). I sat up groggily and asked him what he was doing. He said he had a bad dream. Oh goody, my first, "I had a bad dream" experience as a Mom. I have to admit, I was a little exited about it. I very mother-like sat him on the edge of the bed and hugged him and asked what it was all about. He said:
There was a girl, who was a grown up, and she had a fly on her tongue and she stuck it out at me. Then she took me to her house.
ME: Oh, what did she do then?
MY SON: She kilt me.
Wow. The only way that would have creeped me out more is if he had said a clown had taken him....
I had punished him the night before and sent him to bed early. After I hugged him some more and put him back in his bed, I got up, went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and stuck out my tongue. No fly.
The fourth morning that our kids were with us I got to hear a good, creepy one. Not good as in a good pleasant thing, but good as in, I like creepy stuff so it was good.
I heard a noise and looked up to see my five year old entering my bedroom. My husband was working so it was just me and the dogs (yes, I sleep with my dogs). I sat up groggily and asked him what he was doing. He said he had a bad dream. Oh goody, my first, "I had a bad dream" experience as a Mom. I have to admit, I was a little exited about it. I very mother-like sat him on the edge of the bed and hugged him and asked what it was all about. He said:
There was a girl, who was a grown up, and she had a fly on her tongue and she stuck it out at me. Then she took me to her house.
ME: Oh, what did she do then?
MY SON: She kilt me.
Wow. The only way that would have creeped me out more is if he had said a clown had taken him....
I had punished him the night before and sent him to bed early. After I hugged him some more and put him back in his bed, I got up, went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and stuck out my tongue. No fly.
Popcorn Chicken Monkey Baby
This is what my five year old referred to himself as this morning. He is obsessed with the words "chicken" and "popcorn". He insists his PB toast tastes like "popcorn". All this abstract thinking is a gas.
Give me Starbursts or give me death.
I cant stop eating. Im serious, its getting ridiculous. Prior to our children coming home, I was doing awesome. I had lost so much weight and looking goooood. Ever since they came home, I have been eating, and eating, and eating. Its mostly candy too. Not even chocolate, which is what I love. Its the weird stuff, like Starburst. I can eat the whole package, one little fruity square at a time. I wont even share, I will not offer anyone a Starburst because they are MINE, and evidentally I need them.
I dunno. I think its all linked to PADS (Post Adoption Depression Syndrome). Im not even sure I have it, because most of the time I feel fine, except for the eating thing, which is what I do when Im depressed. Why might I be depressed? That is a good question because I now have everything I have ever wanted. Kids. And cute kids, at that. I have my wild boy, my bookworm boy (who is still wild) and my little girl. (who is also wild) Shes tremendously cute and very spacey, just like me. The spacey part, I mean. She is girly (unlike me, most of the time), but she romps and plays outside, gets dirty, bloodies her knee with the boys and loves it. I guess she likes to dress up and be cute without the prissiness.
I have spent my entire adult life wanting children. I married a man who already had grown children (he is much older than me), and a grandchild on the way. I still wanted my OWN children, to raise, love, and hopefully make into contributing people, or at least people that are not mean (because they suck, as the bumper sticker says). Now I have them, why arent I (star)bursting with joy? Dont get me wrong, when I stop and think about it, I love them and wouldnt go back to life without them. Im happy. There is just something bothering me and I think I have figured it out.
I would put one of those nifty links to the words "Post Adoption Depression Syndrome", if I knew how, but I dont, I am completely clueless. So, if you really want to know you'll have to look in the upper right hand corner of my blog to "where i hang out" and go to Adoptive Parents Network link (yeah, I know....) and you can find out about it there.
Anyway, if I do have it, here is why I think I do. I believe that my life has changed so much, I am actually mourning my old self and the life that I used to have. Its not always on the surface. I mean I dont always walk around saying, "woe is me" or anything dumb like that. It is THERE and its making me eat.
I also think (and someone on APN pointed it out) that I had this vision in my little brain about how life would be when we had kids. It would be all cookies baking, cuddling, dimple faced smiles with perpetually clean hands, face, and hair. I would have a Martha Stewart, so-cute-you-could-puke, house (actually, I dont like her that much, it just sounded good), and a perfect lawn and we would all just love each other all the time and things would be swell with Ward and I (my husband's name is not Ward, I was making a tv reference there). Well, things are just not that way, and I think that is where some of these feelings are coming from.
Since adoption my life has changed in the following ways:
1. I am always cleaning something or someone
2. I have to watch what I say
3. I have to watch what I do.
4. I have to watch what three other little people say and do.
5. I have to look at poop (human,dog poop is not new to me).
6. I have to discover urine in a garbage can in a bedroom, because his brother was in the bathroom, and he was too "busy" to walk upstairs to the other bathroom.
7. I am constantly telling someone to "mind your own business."
8. I have a hole dug in the middle of my nice Martha Stewart-ish front lawn.
9. I have to wear slippers now, because evil little plastic army guys, do not feel good on the feet.
10. I think my dogs hate me now.
Ok, so those are the not so pleasant aspects, not to mention my hubby and I dont get to spend a whole lot of time together anymore. Thats a big one. I know making time for each other is critical, its just so hard still.
On a postive note, since adopting my life has changed in the following ways:
1. I have people who call me "Mom".
2. I get lots of hugs and kisses.
3. I am learning tons of stuff about myself (some of it good, some of it not).
4. Now I have 3 HUMANS who are thrilled to death when I come home.
5. I get to take care of little people who are so cute, I cant stand it.
6. I get to cook for a family now.
7. I feel like I am finally doing something worth while.
8. I get to feel warm and fuzzy when I watch them sleep.
9. I have more people to love.
10. My life no longer feels like something is missing.
I dunno. I think its all linked to PADS (Post Adoption Depression Syndrome). Im not even sure I have it, because most of the time I feel fine, except for the eating thing, which is what I do when Im depressed. Why might I be depressed? That is a good question because I now have everything I have ever wanted. Kids. And cute kids, at that. I have my wild boy, my bookworm boy (who is still wild) and my little girl. (who is also wild) Shes tremendously cute and very spacey, just like me. The spacey part, I mean. She is girly (unlike me, most of the time), but she romps and plays outside, gets dirty, bloodies her knee with the boys and loves it. I guess she likes to dress up and be cute without the prissiness.
I have spent my entire adult life wanting children. I married a man who already had grown children (he is much older than me), and a grandchild on the way. I still wanted my OWN children, to raise, love, and hopefully make into contributing people, or at least people that are not mean (because they suck, as the bumper sticker says). Now I have them, why arent I (star)bursting with joy? Dont get me wrong, when I stop and think about it, I love them and wouldnt go back to life without them. Im happy. There is just something bothering me and I think I have figured it out.
I would put one of those nifty links to the words "Post Adoption Depression Syndrome", if I knew how, but I dont, I am completely clueless. So, if you really want to know you'll have to look in the upper right hand corner of my blog to "where i hang out" and go to Adoptive Parents Network link (yeah, I know....) and you can find out about it there.
Anyway, if I do have it, here is why I think I do. I believe that my life has changed so much, I am actually mourning my old self and the life that I used to have. Its not always on the surface. I mean I dont always walk around saying, "woe is me" or anything dumb like that. It is THERE and its making me eat.
I also think (and someone on APN pointed it out) that I had this vision in my little brain about how life would be when we had kids. It would be all cookies baking, cuddling, dimple faced smiles with perpetually clean hands, face, and hair. I would have a Martha Stewart, so-cute-you-could-puke, house (actually, I dont like her that much, it just sounded good), and a perfect lawn and we would all just love each other all the time and things would be swell with Ward and I (my husband's name is not Ward, I was making a tv reference there). Well, things are just not that way, and I think that is where some of these feelings are coming from.
Since adoption my life has changed in the following ways:
1. I am always cleaning something or someone
2. I have to watch what I say
3. I have to watch what I do.
4. I have to watch what three other little people say and do.
5. I have to look at poop (human,dog poop is not new to me).
6. I have to discover urine in a garbage can in a bedroom, because his brother was in the bathroom, and he was too "busy" to walk upstairs to the other bathroom.
7. I am constantly telling someone to "mind your own business."
8. I have a hole dug in the middle of my nice Martha Stewart-ish front lawn.
9. I have to wear slippers now, because evil little plastic army guys, do not feel good on the feet.
10. I think my dogs hate me now.
Ok, so those are the not so pleasant aspects, not to mention my hubby and I dont get to spend a whole lot of time together anymore. Thats a big one. I know making time for each other is critical, its just so hard still.
On a postive note, since adopting my life has changed in the following ways:
1. I have people who call me "Mom".
2. I get lots of hugs and kisses.
3. I am learning tons of stuff about myself (some of it good, some of it not).
4. Now I have 3 HUMANS who are thrilled to death when I come home.
5. I get to take care of little people who are so cute, I cant stand it.
6. I get to cook for a family now.
7. I feel like I am finally doing something worth while.
8. I get to feel warm and fuzzy when I watch them sleep.
9. I have more people to love.
10. My life no longer feels like something is missing.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Aliens
Our kids, I will call them Nick (9), Adam (5) and Sasha (8) came to live with us in May. We had a long, tiresome, rather unpleasant transition. Why was transition unpleasant? We were there for a long period of time, in a hotel room. Need I say more? I love travel and hotels, etc, I really do. Its fun, usually. It is NOT fun when some of that time you have three kids to get to know and entertain, you are far from home, running out of money and just want to get them home and get on with your new lives together. Our transition was three weeks long, with us staying in their town, which is about 8 hours from ours. To be quite honest it was pretty miserable. I actually cried myself to sleep a few nights; I just wanted to get my kids and go home. I admit it, I also missed my dogs. My substitute "children".
Anyway, our first meal out with them while in transition was interesting. We observed their table manners at the foster home and they were quite nice. So either (a) aliens invaded their little bodies when we went to the restaurant, or they were (b) testing right off the bat. I'm guessing it is (b), since I'm not even sure aliens exist. Although, since I have kids now, a lot of my beliefs and views of the world have changed. I know now what it feels like to be driven crazy. Any way, I digress. Sort of.
They were all over the place. Sitting, standing, crawling under the table, trying to crawl over the table, and even going to talk to waitresses at other tables. We thought "who are these kids?". At one point our daughter, who had brought in a doll that we had given her (rookie parent mistake #1), and had thrust it across the table at her brother, like a sword. I told her that if she did that again, I would take the doll. She did it. Not like a minute later either, almost as soon the words stopped echoing in my head. I took the doll and she just shrugged, like she was saying "OK, so she meant that". Testing already? Where is the "Honeymoon Period" I have heard so much about? I want a honeymoon, I want to go to Vegas (or wherever it is that people go now, I don't even know).
It was a Mexican restaurant and they took to the chips and salsa as if they had never had food before. It was nuts. Not at all the manners we had seen at the foster home. On second thought...it had to be aliens.
After we dropped them back off at the foster home, my husband and I just looked at each other. And we smiled. We love a good adventure.
Anyway, our first meal out with them while in transition was interesting. We observed their table manners at the foster home and they were quite nice. So either (a) aliens invaded their little bodies when we went to the restaurant, or they were (b) testing right off the bat. I'm guessing it is (b), since I'm not even sure aliens exist. Although, since I have kids now, a lot of my beliefs and views of the world have changed. I know now what it feels like to be driven crazy. Any way, I digress. Sort of.
They were all over the place. Sitting, standing, crawling under the table, trying to crawl over the table, and even going to talk to waitresses at other tables. We thought "who are these kids?". At one point our daughter, who had brought in a doll that we had given her (rookie parent mistake #1), and had thrust it across the table at her brother, like a sword. I told her that if she did that again, I would take the doll. She did it. Not like a minute later either, almost as soon the words stopped echoing in my head. I took the doll and she just shrugged, like she was saying "OK, so she meant that". Testing already? Where is the "Honeymoon Period" I have heard so much about? I want a honeymoon, I want to go to Vegas (or wherever it is that people go now, I don't even know).
It was a Mexican restaurant and they took to the chips and salsa as if they had never had food before. It was nuts. Not at all the manners we had seen at the foster home. On second thought...it had to be aliens.
After we dropped them back off at the foster home, my husband and I just looked at each other. And we smiled. We love a good adventure.
Friday, June 6, 2008
The beginning....
My husband and I started our adoption about two years ago. We went to the classes, and procrastinated a lot on the paperwork. I am not sure why we waited so long to complete it. I think that although we were anxious to have additions to our family, we were also a little scared; at least I was. We finally completed our paperwork to adopt through the state foster care system and were certified in January and 90 days later, on April 2nd, we were chosen for the specific kids we had been dreaming about since February. It was a happy day. Soon we would be able to meet the two boys and girl, brothers and sister, who would soon join our family. These are the kids that my husband said, upon first seeing their profile would be ours. I had doubts, I thought that my luck wasn’t that good; to be chose for the first kids we submitted our home-study for. I know several couples and single people, who are great people and who would make fantastic parents, who have waited for more than a year to be selected. I just knew that would be us. It wasn’t and my much better half was right. Again.
Just starting out...
Im just starting this, so right now its a pretty uninteresting place. There are some cool tunes below though if you want to check them out. I will be posting our story so far soon....
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