Last night, I helped N with a science project for the science fair. He has been working on this with about four other boys for the past few days, and two of them were over to "work" on it last night. All they worked on was shooting the nerf dart gun across the playroom...Anyway, after they left N had quite a bit of his portion that he needed to complete and was having some difficulty. I had only planned on sitting for a second in between laundry and cleaning, but I ended up being there for over an hour. It was a mundane task that we were doing; wrapping rubber bands around a wooden spool, and that kind of thing can be calming, to me anyway, and stimulates conversation, I have found. We talked about all kinds of stuff. Out of the blue he said something profound, that is not typical of him. He is such a "everything is fine" (whether it is or not) kid.
N: You know that movie, "Angels in the Outfield?"
Me: Yes, I do.
N: Everytime I watch it, it reminds me of my birthdad. You know when the kid is in foster care and he has visits with his dad, and then his dad decides he doesnt want to see him anymore? That part.
I was surprised and heartbroken. He has never let on that he even thought about that short period of visits. I was sad that he felt that the visits stopped because his "dad" didnt want to see him. In a way, this is true, but there was so much more to the story than that. I told him so. I told him it wasnt because he wasnt a good kid, because he is. I told him what happened did not have anything to do with him, but with his father's life.
N: I think it is weird too that S didnt visit with A and me.
Me; That is another story for later on OK?
The therapist advised that S is too young to know some things, at this point in her life and N would end up telling her, besides it is her business if she wants to share it with him. If she doesnt remember it is best, for now. In time, they will know everything. They know a lot more now than they did when they moved in with us. They did not know why they were in foster care. They know now, it is just that some details have been kept quiet until a later date.
It was a really nice time talking with him. We seldom have one on one time, N and I. I know we should. It reminded me of another nice time that we had just him and I. When we went to the fair, S, A, and T went on the ferris wheel. I wanted something a little more exciting, so I opted for The Zipper, an old childhood favorite. N wanted to come with me. We had a nice time chatting in line and on the ride in between screams. I need to have more of these moments with him, with all of them. But sometimes my old nemesis time gets in the way. As a wise (ok, maybe not wise, but interesting and famous) man once said, "Time waits for noone, and it wont wait for me"-Mick Jagger, sometime along time ago.